Afghan Parents look
forward to the day their son/daughter will get married from almost the moment
they are born. The partner that they will marry isn’t really a question of whom
as it is assumed they will be a” good afghan, from a good family with a good
education”.
Most Afghan parents’
thoughts are consumed by the wedding reception itself! How beautiful it will
be, what they will wear and how they are going to dance all day because after
all it’s their child’s wedding! An unmarried girl in the Afghan culture is
simply a girl waiting to be married, regardless of their situation. We have put
a lot of pressure on ourselves and our family members and friends to get
married as that is the one honorable role anyone can have in life. This is true
to an extent, however, the role that a young Afghan girl has before getting
married is quite diverse and much needed in her family.
This post is geared towards understanding the unique
position Afghan girls all over the globe face when it comes to their life as an
unmarried girl and how they are viewed from relatives and friends. Back in the
day, as with most traditional cultures, girls were seen and treated as burden
to the family if they were not married. In the Afghan culture, it becomes more
of an honorable issue. Parents are more concerned about a girl’s ability to
bring unnecessary shame to the family, i.e. having a boyfriend, having a child
out of wedlock or creating a negative reputation in the community for
themselves and worse, their families. After all, reputation is everything to
Afghans, as that is how marriages are formed and business deals done.
We forget to acknowledge that the role of an Afghan girl
before marriage, is just as important as being a wife. These roles range from
being caretaker for their families, whether it’s to elderly parents and
relatives to younger siblings. They make themselves available to attend doctor
appointments with family members to make sure language is not a barrier and the
best medical treatment is given their loved ones. The role of being a
breadwinner and financial assistance to their families through their
professional work and dedication to their education has been an emerging role
with girls now getting advanced degrees.Afghan girls who are not married yet give endless support and love to their families. They serve as inspirational role models for their peers and siblings and for generations to come. Sure, marriage is a path most girls want in their lives when the time is right and the person is right for them, however in the meantime, Afghan girls are motivated to improve their lives and the lives of those around them through their daily hard work and struggle to succeed. This type of motivation steeps into married life, because after all it is the habits of people that will stay with them throughout their daily lives. Afghan girls should be encouraged to get an education and spend their time before getting married on improving their intellect, taking advantage of educational opportunities, and making a difference by contributing to their communities and being a productive member of society. These are the traits that will make them great wives and mothers as they will implement them in their married and future family life. Educated mothers raise well rounded, healthy children, after all, we become their daily teachers and advisers.
The time between ‘waiting to get married’ and actually
getting married for an Afghan girl can be one of the most incredible and
amazing time to really invest in oneself through education as they will always
have goals and dreams to follow and look forward to achieving. Education for an
Afghan girl will help her distinguish the type of man she hopes to marry.
Rather than accepting any suitor who simply comes to ask for her hand in
marriage and follows all of the cultural rules, will think twice about the
person they are, understand the right questions to ask and in general have a
feel for compatibility in lifestyles and future goals and obligations.
The
traditional Afghan girl, is now the new modern girl who understands and
appreciates the world around her, understands and accepts her family and is
dedicated to their well being and happiness and can take care of those around
her whether it is showing love and care taking duties or financially. The Afghan
girl before marriage in the United States has endless opportunities available
to her through attaining advanced degree and diverse roles that she must
fulfill in her family. Because of the
aforementioned experiences, the unmarried Afghan girl is responsible, She is
loved and respected unconditionally ,
serves a best friend to her siblings and
parents, is supported in her every endeavors and seen as a role model and not a burden. And
what smart and successful Afghan man would not be proud to have someone like
that to become his wife?
