Tuesday, July 5, 2011

What is an Afghan Wife?

Growing up in the US, I really didn't know what was required of me when I was to get married. I am starting with this blog to reflect, document and also share what it is to be an Afghan wife based on my current residence in the US and lifestyle. I knew that I wanted to be an Afghan wife and the only way to support that role for me would be to marry an Afghan husband! That way, we could help each other become what we felt was the perfect Afghan self, given our faith and lifestyle.

so, now we are two Afghan people, married happily and living life in America as Afghans. How does one do that? Well in this blog, is only my story and perspective as am sure thousands live the same way or slightly different. Our way of life, works for us and I am happy to be able to share so that hopefully, we can learn from each other.

It's important to know that being an Afghan wife, does not happen, after the wedding, but rather before. Let me explain why. The moment a suitor is interestedin marrying an Afghan girl, her role as an Afghan wife has started. From the Khostgari ( suitor getting permission) to sheerney (engagement) to nikkah (wedding). These events mark what is to follow as an Afghan wife. Will one do everything traditionally in those aforementioned events or not? I myself had a very traditional engagement and wedding with a modern day twist. We both had an amazing honeymoon and live by ourselves while both working outside the home and contributing to household duties. I am an Afghan wife. A happy one.

So, when you are considering marriage, consider your role and how you act, before the actual marriage as that will determine the relationship ground for both husband and wife. Now, if it's an arranged marriage (yes, that still happens in america with afghans) then fully understand that role and tradition as it will influence and set up the stage for the rest of your life. There is nothing wrong with following tradition. The important thing is to not set one self up for disappointment as some females tend to only focus on the glits and glamour of a wedding ( a one night event) without much thought to the person they are about to spend their life with and the roles attached.

As a happy afghan wife, I have realized that afghan cultural expectations should fully be explained and not followed blindly when it comes to living a healthy and happy life with your partner!

http://www.themuslimwoman.com/marriage/selectingspouse.htm